New Soup Products in Development

*Got a Beat Soup Tribute band? Having trouble finding just the right drummer? Well your troubles are soon over, my friend! That’s right, get ready for the Jackson 2001! A lot of bands would have simply scrapped the idea after the unfortunate experience of the Jackson 2000 (litigation still pending), but not us! We threw that baby right back up on the drawing board, removed the Opinion Card, cut the Alcohol Container in half, and disengaged the internal metronome for a more authentic Soup sound! The Jackson 2001; coming soon!

*Late for meetings? Late for dates? Just plain late in general?? The Beat Soup Alarm Clock is what you need, friend! More than just a clock, this beauty actually alters your thought processes thru a secret hypnotic technique developed in the far east and perfected somewhere near Malden. Soon, you will be thinking like a real Soupster! That relaxed, casual attitude towards punctuality will soon be replaced by a gnawing, neurotic, obsession with timeliness. Imagine how pleased your boss will be to see you waiting at the front door of the office every day. And for you guys, just think of how the ladies will react when you show up hours early for your date! Look for the Beat Soup Alarm Clock in stores near you!

*You’re at the bar, fishing thru your wallet for the right amount of change, when all of a sudden some Beat Soup guy marches up besides you, orders a beer, and doesn’t pay for it because he’s got a Free Beer Ticket! “But how can I get a free beer ticket?” you ask; “I’m not in the band”. Not a problem anymore! That’s right, for a limited time only, you can purchase directly from Beat Soup as many Free Beer Tickets as you want, all for the low price of $3.50 each ($4.50 for imported or Sam Adams)!! And the great thing is, you don’t even have to be in the band! These tickets previously sold for as much as $10 each, and they were ONLY available to Karl and Johnny!! This offer won’t last forever, so jump on it now!!

*You’re Johnny or Karl. You’re sitting at the bar thinking “Why do I have to pay for Free Beer Tickets? I mean, if you think about it….hey cool – these tickets are YELLOW! Karl – buy me a couple!!” Then suddenly it hits you “I should be getting these tickets for free!!!” Well sure you should – if you are willing to settle for an inferior, outdated technology. If you are willing to look like a loser in front of that cute barmaid, then by all means, march up there with your little puny ticket. Wouldn’t it be great if you could obtain the free beer without the humiliation? That’s why you need Whizboy’s Anti-Loser Beer Escort Service. How does it work, you ask? Well it’s a simple, yet highly effective technique. First, you discreetly obtain your free beer ticket. Then you flag down Whizboy, pay him the minimal, $10 service fee, and hand the ticket over to him. He will then proceed to the bar with you, but the key is that HE is carrying the ticket. Why is this so effective? Because Whizboy is already married and couldn’t care less that he looks like a loser!! How brilliant is that?! You go to the bar, you order the beer, and Whizboy suffers the humiliation!